The Wizard of Hogwarts
by FairyTalesInc
Summary: Hermione wakes up in a world she know, except she doesn't know it! Something is different(Parody of the Wizard of Oz Written by Amanda)
1. To Run Away

Chapter One: To Run Away  
  
Hermione Granger sat on her bed softly petting her faithful cat Crookshanks. She had just got home and was worried that something bad was about to happen. She was right. The neighbours had been complaining about Crookshanks again. It seems that the cat liked to use the gardens as toilets. It didn't matter to Hermione though, because she was sure that her Aunt Lila and Uncle Steven would stick up for him, but they didn't. They allowed the animal catchers to take her beloved cat away. Of course Crookshanks escaped from the animal catchers and found his way back to Hermione. She held him and smiled. Then she realized that they would have to run away. Away to a place where cats could shit wherever they wanted. She picked up her suitcase and hopped out the window. Crookshanks following. Hermione had never tried to run away before and she felt bad about it, but she wasn't going to sit back while her cat was put to sleep. She walked down the road towards town. She stopped, though, when she saw a sign that read: Esmerelda: The magnificent psychic of the world. Hermione did not believe in any of that shit, but she decided to check it out. She knocked on the door.  
  
"Come in, my child." A dreamy voice answered. Hermione walked in and smiled at the woman in front of her.  
  
"Hi. I've just run away from home. I wanted to know if I'll make it on my own." Hermione said  
  
"No honey! You must go home right away! Your family is worried. They're looking for you!" Esmerelda shrieked. Hermione flinched and thanked the woman before she left. She ran out into the windy day. She looked into the distance and saw a tornado. She cursed and ran to her house, where she locked herself in her bedroom. A stray bit of the ceiling fell off and hit her on the head and she fell over. 


	2. What The?

Chapter Two: What The......?  
  
Hermione woke with a start. Her house was moving. Wait.....moving?! Flying! She looked out the window and instantly regretted it. Her house was flying inside the tornado. She shook her head and looked again. Sure enough her house was still flying around. Animals, trees, gates, and other things floated by as she watched. She was taken out of her thoughts when she heard Crookshanks hiss at the things flying around. She petted him and he relaxed. The house shook violently and felt as though it was falling. Hermione felt her stomach rise up into her throat. Just when she thought she was going to lose her breakfast, the house fell with a plunk. Hermione covered her head with her arms. She lifted them a moment later to find the sun shining through her opened window. She got off her bed and opened her bedroom door. She stepped into the living room and felt happiness and sadness wash over her. It was just as her Aunt and Uncle had left it. She put her hand on the doorknob and hesitated for a minute. What would be on the other side. She had to find out. She opened the door. She gasped and threw her hands over her mouth. She stepped out of her house and gasped again.  
  
"It can't be......." 


	3. Hello HogsmeadeMidget Meeting

Chapter Three: Hello Hogsmeade/Midget Meeting  
  
"Hogsmeade!" Hermione breathed. She looked around. All the shops were still there, but somehow things were different. She walked to the fountain in the middle of town and sat down. That was when she heard it. Laughter. Well actually, giggling. It stopped as soon as it started. She looked around, but saw no one. On a normal day the streets were filled with wizards. Where was everyone? Laughter again! Hermione turned but still didn't see anyone. Then a light appeared out of nowhere. It grew bigger and bigger! Hermione gasped as a man appeared. She recognized him right away.  
  
"Dumbledore!" She said quietly.  
  
"Hello my dear!" He said excitedly  
  
"Oh! Dumbledore, I'm so happy to see you! My house! I'm lost!" She said. She looked up at him. He looked amused.  
  
"I'm sorry. I don't know this Dumbledore you speak of. I am Dumble-Bumble. Or D.B for short." He said smiling at her.  
  
"Where am I?" She asked a look of worry across her face.  
  
"Well, you're in Hogsmeade. I should tell you that I'm a good warlock. The only one around, sadly. You've dropped your house on the wickedest warlock of the streets. Thank goodness too. He was planning on killing my midgets." Dumble-Bumble said shaking his head sadly.  
  
"The midgets?" Hermione asked  
  
"Well of course! The laughter. They're rather shy. Come out my children. The wicked warlock is dead. This young woman saved you!" Dumble-Bumble said happily. Hermione watched as several children walked out of the bushes. They were all wearing either bright pink or green robes. They also had flowers in their hair. They gathered around Hermione and whispered excitedly. Then a group of boys came out of the crowd. Two specific ones stood out in front of her.  
  
"I'm Colin and this is my brother Dennis. We are the representatives of Quill Guild. On behalf of Hogsmeade we welcome you." Colin said. He handed her several different quills.  
  
"Thank you." Hermione said smiling at him. She opened her mouth to say something else, but was interrupted by two midgets wearing baggy pants and weird looking hats.  
  
"Yo, you. I'm Ginny Weasley and I'm here to say, if it wasn't for you we'd be fucked today, you saved our lives and we owe you dearly, we'll give you admiration and respect yearly, the mean old bastard's in his gave, we gotta let the world know that we've been saved." The red head sang.  
  
"You came to us from the sky, if I hadn't see it myself I'd say it was a lie, we know it'll be hard to pay you back, and we'd like to start with this handsome plague, we hope that ass hole put up a fight, this is a thank you from Rappers D-Lite, Bitch" The blonde sang.  
  
"Um.....Thanks....." Hermione said uneasily  
  
"Young lady, we'd like to thank you for ridding us of the evil warlock. Your name will go down in history. And you will have a place in the wall of fame." A mayor looking midget exclaimed. Cheers went up throughout the crowd, but the cheers were short lived. They became screams of panic and worry....  
  
"What the fuck?" 


	4. Here's Voldie!

Chapter four: Here's Voldie  
  
The crowd parted, as they ran around helplessly. When they settled down, Hermione saw the ugliest bastard she'd dared to lay eyes on. He had a bald head with red slits for eyes. Hermione was disgusted when she realized that he had snake like nostrils. He looked at her, only for a second then he walked over to her house. He looked at it with confusion then walked to where Hermione, Crookshanks, and Dumble Bumble stood. Crookshanks hissed.  
  
"Who dropped this horribly decorated house on my brother?" The snake freak said in the girliest voice Hermione had ever heard come out of a man's mouth.  
  
"No one dropped it. It fell." Dumble Bumble said calmly.  
  
"Who's gonna believe a story like that? Who are you and why are you wearing those hideous robes?" He asked in confusion and disgust.  
  
"I am Hermione Granger. The smartest person at my school. These happen to be comfortable. At least I don't look like a freak that belongs in a freak show!" Hermione raged.  
  
"Listen bitch. I'll always be better looking than you. In fact I think that everyone is better looking than you. I am the fairest of them all. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to find my brothers bumble bee pendant!" With that the freakshow walked back to his brother, but the body was no longer there.  
  
"Looks like your brothers body is gone. How about you follow suit." Dumble Bumble suggested .  
  
"Where is the pendant?" He demanded  
  
"Right there!" Dumble Bumble pointed at Hermione's chest. The pendant was fleaming in the sunlight.  
  
"Give that to me! It's mine!"  
  
"Keep it. There's a good reason why he wants it. Now, you're not wanted here. I do have the power to re-drop that house, on you!" Dumble Bumble said.  
  
"Fine. This isn't over! I'll get you and your disturbing fashion sense too!" He popped away.  
  
"Who was that?" Hermione asked.  
  
"The wickedest warlock of the rest. He is worse than the one you dropped the house on."  
  
"I want to go home!" Hermione wailed. Crookshanks whined with her.  
  
"Stop bitching. You need to go....." 


	5. Follow the what?

Chapter five: Follow the.......what?  
  
"Strawgoh. It's a castle not too far from here. That's where the one who can help you will be." Dumble Bumble said.  
  
"Well, who is he? Where is the castle? How will I find my way there?" Hermione asked.  
  
"Follow the road till you ge to the cor-oh that's right. They've re-paved this road. Sorry I forgot!"  
  
"It's fine."  
  
"Well follow the green and brown cobbled road. The colours clash, but hey it wasn't my idea." Dumble Bumble said preparing to leave.  
  
"Wait! What is this persons name?" Hermione screamed.  
  
"Almost blew my ear drums! His name is H2Da Wizzo. He can do anything for you. I have a prior engagement. Good luck!" With that Dumble Bumble was gone. The midgets stared at Hermione and she stared back. Then she decided to follow the stupid road so that she could get home. The midgets followed her to the edge of town where she was thanked again. The last thing she heard came from an irish boy,  
  
"Forties and bitches for everyone!"  
  
She followed the road until it came to a fork. She frowned and looked to Crookshanks.  
  
"Which way do you think?"  
  
"That way ma'am." Said a voice.  
  
"Who said that?" She asked looking around. 


End file.
